April 13, 2012 / My Pregnant pilgrimage #3
Things are in flux. I’m in the middle of a home renovation, less than 2 months away from my departure to Spain (!), and well into my second trimester.
Life these days feels not a little chaotic. So many changes are afoot.
We’ve got holes in our walls and ceiling and a new bathroom and deck on the way. For the past few weeks we had trouble securing the final permit for the construction. Yesterday the permit came through.
Two weeks ago my pregnancy was barely noticeable. This week strangers congratulated me on the street.
Last week I was still piling on to my to do list at work. This week I realized I have less than a month to go before I leave for 6 weeks. And then only two months before the baby’s due date when I return. It’s time to prioritize.
The weather is as changing as our circumstances.
Monday the air was warm and thick. Thursday it was crisp and jarring.
Monday I woke up feeling well rested and ready to go. Thursday I woke up with pains in my lower back and hobbled my way out of bed.
Monday it was easy to throw on my pack and walk to work. Thursday it was easy to choose a rest day.
Monday I was feeling excited for the upcoming trek across Spain (so many things to prepare, but no fears about the activities that lay ahead), energized about my professional direction (I woke up at 3am and wrote 2,000 words about it, I had so much energy!), and calm about motherhood (no words, no worries, deep breaths).
And yet by Thursday I was feeling calm about my travels (my to do list melted away and I just felt a deep sense of peace about the Camino), overwhelmed about work (so much I want to do and so little time), and anxious about being ready for the baby (when will we ever find time to clear out the guest room/clutter haven and create a nursery?).
Time is marching on and what I saw yesterday looks different today. What changes do you notice happening around you? How does that make you feel?
A very dear friend sent me a delightful note yesterday evening, and it hit a chord. As you might have gathered, it’s been one of those roller coaster weeks, and his wisdom came at exactly the right time. Sure, there are a lot of things in my life right now that “qualify” as major life changes. But all of us are experiencing change in our own, quiet, personal ways all the time. These changes are often imperceptible to the outside observer, and even to our own internal eye. But part of the beauty of being human is that we are not stagnant. We live, we grow, we stumble, we change. And so I leave you today with the wisdom that was shared with me this week. KBO, my dear friends. This old school phrase oft used by Winston Churchill: KBO. Keep buggering on. Keep buggering on!
Present Day Reflections
Well they aren’t kidding when they say that nesting is real. When I wrote this journal entry, we were in the middle of a some major home renovations. When pregnant with my second little bit, we bought a new house and moved. While we didn’t move this time around (thank goodness!), we really rethought the function and layout of just about every room in our house. Much clutter clearing, painting, and furniture repositioning followed. Colin might argue that this is less about nesting than my general love for makeshifting my environment, but there is something particularly meaningful about these snapshots in time.
I still adore the advice keep buggering on. There is only one way to the other side of change and that is through it. KBO brings a humor and whimsy to the idea that we must soldier ahead, whatever the change is that we are facing. I appreciate the spirit that this phrase represents.
I was also struck returning to this writing that there is a core belief about change shared here that has only deepened in the years that followed. I continue to stand by this original observation about change:
All of us are experiencing change in our own, quiet, personal ways all the time. These changes are often imperceptible to the outside observer, and even to our own internal eye. But part of the beauty of being human is that we are not stagnant. We live, we grow, we stumble, we change.
About the Series
My Pregnant Pilgrimage is a blog series that I’m sharing in the Spring of 2017 during my present-day maternity leave. The arrival of my third little seemed a fitting time to return to these journal reflections from those last months of my life pre-parenthood. Learn more about this series here.